You asked, we answered. (In a half-assed kinda way.)

+ Where do you ship to? And can I track my order?

We use Australia Post to deliver Australia-wide, baby! And to ensure we get those fresh-out-of-the-oven cookies to your mouth ASAP, we ship only via Express delivery (since no one seems to have invented a teleporting machine…yet).
You’ll receive an email from us when your order has left our oven and is on its way, along with a tracking number and notification from Australia Post.
�� Hot Tip: If you’ve ordered a particularly, um, *spicy* giftbox, we recommend you keep an eye out for its delivery just in case it falls into the wrong hands - like Grandma's. (Trust us; explaining what anal beads are to a 90-year old is never a good time for anyone.)

+ What do I do if my order arrives messed up? (Or worse, not at all?)
While we're a bit careless with the swear words around here, we assure you that we take only care when preparing and packing our cookies. In saying that, our cookies are all handmade, which means that sometimes there may be slight variations between what you see
in our photos and what you receive (although we do our very best to get it right every time!).
If you find that your order isn’t up to scratch, drop us a line via our contact form or by calling us direct on 1300 U BATCH (1300 822 824).
If you need to send your order back, all the items included in the giftbox must be returned in their original packaging and in an unused and unopened condition - so no nibble marks, okay? And if your order arrives on your doorstep looking ratchet (i.e. was damaged in transit),
get in touch with us ASAP.
If you find your order has gone AWOL, we recommend contacting Australia Post with your tracking number so they can hunt that lil’ sucker down for you. Still haven’t got answers? Let us know so we can send out a search team as well.

+ Do you make cookies that aren’t, um…naughty?
While we may have a severe case of potty-mouth, we also love to create cute cookies with a distinct PG-Family Friendly rating. From kids’ parties to weddings and other wholesome events, rest assured, we know how to mind our manners when called for. To place your (conservative) custom cookie order, complete this form, and we'll get our bake on ASAP. You can also build your own giftbox by clicking here.

+ I have food allergies. (I know, it sucks.) What ingredients and allergens are in your cookies?
Oh, mannnnnnn. We feel for you. Our cookies contain wheat, gluten, soy, eggs, and dairy. They may also contain traces of any form of nuts. We really wanted to make a joke here, but we decided to be grown-ups about it..
Standard cookie ingredients may include Wheat Flour (Plain or Self-Raising), Vegetable Oil, Butter, Sugar, Eggs, and Fondant Icing.
Standard fondant icing ingredients may include Sugar, Glucose Syrup, Water (Sustainable) Palm Oil, Humectant, Emulsifier, Stabiliser, Preservative (202, 220), and Flavouring.

TLDR: If you’re in doubt, order some booze and a vibrator instead, okay?

+ Do your cookies come with an expiration date? And what’s the best way to store my cookies? (Like, if I don’t eat them all in one go?)
Our cookies are like porn stars: they're at their best when they're freshest and kept in cool places where they won’t sweat too much. We recommend keeping them snug inside their heat-sealed wrappers someplace dry and away from sunlight for up to 8 weeks. And while theycan handle the fridge i f needed, be warned: they may not *perform* as good as you’d hoped when placed in a chilly environment.